Where do I even begin?

I know I have been quiet lately. Part of it was because I having dealing with the "after effects" of having my surgery put off, with no real answer as to when it will happen. I have experienced a lot of emotions around that and found them hard to put into words and/or talk about.

Then last night, my husband ended up in the hospital Emergency Room and in the 12 hours or so that we were there we heard every theory from constipation to cancer. I am totally freaked now to say the least.

The long story short is this. He was having bad stomach pains. They eventually did a CT scan and saw some inflammation of the pancreas. So then they were trying to figure out what caused the inflammation. Again, we heard everything from constipation to gallstones to a mass/tumor. I love how doctors speculate out loud with people's lives.......especially at 3am........We saw 5 different ER doc's last night and every one of them kept using the words "concerned" when it came to the CT scan. We went from a Resident to the highest level doc in the ER last night and they all seriously FREAKED me the heck out with what they were saying.

Anyway, we went home around 4am and ended up at our Primary Care at 10am this morning. She seemed less alarmed and was leaning towards the fact that he might have passed a gallstone since the pain is about 80% gone now, but they never actually did anything for him. She thinks it's possible that is what caused the inflammation. I started to feel better after we saw her.

Over the next week he is going to have an Ultrasound, MRI, and bloodwork and then we have an appointment a week from today to follow up with her and go over the results of everything.

*sigh* Cautiously optimistic that everything is ok, but the internet is bad thing to have......I have started to read about pancreatic cancer and now I have convinced myself that is what's going on and I am freaking out again. I tend to do that, jump to worst case scenario - but I can't help it.

The REALLY freaky thing is that if my surgery had not been postponed, I would be in the hospital myself right now and he would be alone with the kids and having this go on.......They say everything happens for a reason and I guess it's true...........

So, with all these conflicting emotions right now, I am a basket case to say the least. A day at a time right now and I will keep everyone posted as I hear anything new......